light of my life, fire of my loins. my sin, my soul.

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i dont know what the point of existing is. like, yeah some aspects of life make me happy. but happiness is such a short term thing when you think about it. you live the moment and then the moment fades away, leaving nothing but a memory.

whats the damn point of it?

most of the time i dont feel happy or sad, angry or calm; most of the time i am just numb. everything seems so very meaningless.

when i look into my future i see only pressure, the weight that will be on on my shoulders that is invisable but yet its existence so strong it is suffocating. funny, and almost ridiculous, to say i feel pressurised by the pressure in my future.

i am in a very very dark place. the darkness is drowning me in but i am letting it. maybe the weight will be lifted when everything goes silent.